|
[18 Mar 2008|02:41am] |
|
this has been just irritating me for weeks. i hate when my boyfriend parties all the time because i dont know what he does and that scares me to death. i wish i was around, that'd make everything better but he lives all the way across the country. i know our love is strong enough to deal with that but it just kills me. i wish i was with him every single day. i need as much attention and love every single day/night and i wish i was more important than his friends. i wish he could just pick a single night talking to me for hours rather than flirting/talking to girls at parties. i just feel so neglected sometimes. if i'm partying while he is, then it isn't a big deal and i don't focus on it as much. he's literally on my mind 24/7, when i wake up...when i go to sleep. i can't get rid of these thoughts because he really is just that special and i've learned i need him in my life to survive day by day. although it has only been a couple months, i've gotten so attached to the point where i want him more and more. these girls are so lucky to see him at parties each night, their in his presence and that's truly a gift. something i wish i could gain. something i dream about and want more than anything. i barely hangout with guy friends anymore, just because i'm scared they may do something and ive rejected a few of my ex's. i've put so much faith and courage into this relationship, i hope it's all worth it in the end. i want to trust him, i do... it's just so difficult. i guess that's how the typical long distance relationship goes. i just get so lonely that it makes me want to cry because i avoid guys like the plague, it's good for me but whenever my bf doesnt answer his phone, i feel so depressed and develop all these idea's. he can be so sexual at times that it leaves no room for normal conversations and getting to know each other even better than before. i need an equal balance of sexual play and good conversations. the way he talks to his friends who are girls at parties, i wish i could be treated like that once in awhile. like maybe he respects them more than me? okay.gawd. i know im over exagerating. i just hope there is a real physical AND emotional attraction between us. i don't want fake bullshit, i've had plenty of that in the past and sick of it. i wanna be treated like a princess rather than a sex slave. i want kindness, love, laughs, warmth, etc.. just the BEST relationship anyone could ever ask for. i do have this but everything always has an opportunity to improve, right? i am happy in this relationship but the distance is the worse. i want to move to texas sometime soon. i know in my heart that at the end of our struggles, he's an amazing sweet good real person and with motivation, it will all work out perfectly.
|
|
| gahhh |
[10 Feb 2008|03:32am] |
I posted the shit out of LJ today but i'm just feeling a bit sad tonight. im really upset. i feel like most guys in the past have taken advantage of me. I'm so sick of it that its to the point where if it happens again, I will go psycho. all guys want is sex and that's what i've truly come to learn from my ex bf's. if they don't receive it, they become bored and it's bye-bye. i really want to change this prospective outcome I have developed. I want to be proven wrong. Can't we just watch a romantic love movie and cuddle by the fire w/o thinking about sexual thoughts? Can't our main focus be about our future and not about "getting some"? I just crave maturity, that's all. So, that they influence me to improve my maturity as well. Someone to look deeply into their eyes and know everything is truly "okay." I wish my life was like the movie, "the notebook." Not carelessly throwing the word "love" around yet mentally showing "authentic love." Doesn't loyalty, honesty, compassion exist? or is this just a fairy tail desperately waiting to come true? My main goal: I do not want to get used. I've had this happen far too many times and if this repeats itself, I will brutally crack. Beware.
Sorry if this sounded corny.. =x!
|
|
| curiousity |
[10 Feb 2008|01:33am] |
Questions that I have been stumbling on..
why do men lie and cheat?
why are men more respected than women?
why do we have to have an economy set up to the extent where the homeless starve to death?
why is love so powerful to the point where craziness occurs?
why are we as America the richest in the world?
why can't we all be secure with ourselves?
why does violence physically and mentally have to exist?
why does AIDs exist?
why does the media control us?
why are we not satisfied until perfection is created?
why do we relay on one another?
why do we talk shit to one another?
why can't we think positive about ourselves?
why can't people be open to one another in relationships?
why do lies spread?
why can't we just stop, take a deep breath, and realize how lucky we are to be alive?
why do we follow the crowd?
why do weapons such as guns and swords exist?
why are we all critical of one another in order to make our confidence level boost up?
why is there such a word called "celebrities"?
why can't we prevent stupidity?
why do we have to be entertained 24/7?
why does death exist?
why are we scared of the truth?
why do we have to hate one another instead of love?
why do older men like jail bait girls?
why do humans crave new experiences when we're perfectly content with what we already have?
why is sex popular in today's society?
why can't we eliminate poverty and global warming?
why can't we all smoke a dub and chill out like Bob Marly?
why do teenagers like to party and drink?
why can't guys hangout with girls without trying to get into their pants?
why can't peace evolve all throughout the world?
why can't we replace middle fingers with hearts and kisses?
why can't we figure out what we want to do with our lives?
why can't we see the good in people?
why can't we love what we hate?
|
|
|
[09 Feb 2008|11:19pm] |
Demolished Love
Happiness leads towards destruction
Misery flows once again
Leading towards a sudden breakout
Hands rapidly shaking
Misleading vividness hits like a tornado
Eyes questioning your intentions
Delirious mind developing
Slowly drifting into extinction
Realizing I am an heinous toy
Seeking devotion and initiation
Discovering solely in your hazel eyes
|
|
|
[22 Jul 2005|02:16pm] |
|
I haven't typed anything in a while. I just got back from my trip, I basically feel like shit..
|
|
| Shocking moments.. |
[23 Apr 2005|02:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Thrice - all that's left |
] |
I haven't updated in forever. In case you hadn't noticed, I got a new sanyo sprint phone a couple of weeks ago..I'm pretty happy with it so far. I'm so excited, my b-day is next month, what are you gonna get me? I ask everyone that. ;x my friend is throwing me a surprise b-day party except I already know, I guess I'll pretend to be surprised.. Nick absolutely hates me, I want him so badly too, he has a girlfriend though. Cammie is so freaking sexy, I took an air drink from her sprite today during science class, she started to lick her lips and told me it was hot. She's a lesbian, Cammie is extremely gorgeous, but she spanks my ass everyday :( Andy told me he would get a starbucks card for me, I'm obsessed with them. I sit next to Andy and Clayton in computer class, they're so nerdy haha..they were surfing through the interent and came across a website with porn on it. Don't ask me why it wasn't blocked, but our teacher got drastically upset. They got two weeks of detention and an enduring lecture that lasted 20 minutes. What horny little fuckers...Andy's still cool, yet he can get a bit crazed at times. Tasha, Johannah, Angie and I were all playing with my cam phone during lunch, we took snap shots of people without them noticing. It was so hilarious, then when I went back to class..I took a picture of my history teacher and edited it. After school, I came back home for about an hour & Angie wanted me to go to a thai food restaurant near Fremont, mm..omg incredibly delicious. I hung out with Angie and her boyfriend afterwords, I did feel bitter because entirely everyone has been dating somebody lately and I just want to find the right person, I rather not rush into a relationship right away..which is good I guess? ;/ I keep day dreaming in class, they're so vivid and amazing, I wish they happened in real life. Two nights ago, I had the most awkward dreams. I swear it was like I was stuck in a dreaded horror movie, eerie music plays was softly while I was laying down in my bed trying to sleep..it was so real. I don't want to go in so much detail, but basically what happened was that..my cat and like 1000 spiders crawled into my bed, I freaked out. It was just unpleasant... k, I typed this up quickly so it kind of sucks, oh well..
The end \
|
|
| Babbling.. |
[27 Mar 2005|01:55am] |
|
My hair smells really good right now, I took a shower a couple of hours ago. Black tanktop + Wet hair + red lipstick = hot. Don't you hate how people always complain? There's always someone who's going to be better than you, right? Every single person on this planet has problems, so who are you to bitch someone out? I have an issue, I guess I just have a hard time trusting people, it makes me sick when people have betrayed me. Seriously, it's so painful because if they're the one person you loved the most and all of a sudden they slapped you in the face, then who else is there? It's possible that anyone can do an evil action towards you but the worst part is, you can think you know someone but in the end..it turns out to be a humungous lie. I've been stabbed in the back so many times, it feels like someone's pushing their hand down your throat and pulling out your organs. It's a horrible feeling, I know I'll be experiencing more in my life which makes me want to gulp ;/ It's raining right now, my stomach feels awkward. I still listen to Aero Smith, he's great. <3 A plus is, his daughter is hot, hah.. I hate kids who are always hyper 24/7 'tHeY tYpE lIkE dIz XD XD XD o' rofl. I just want to puke from being disgusted by what some people do..it makes me sick. I'm so tired, I think I'll put a stop to this entry.
|
|
|
[27 Mar 2005|01:49am] |
|
Dan should take me off his friends list, I don't like him and he knows that so I really don't want him "spying on me". I'm gonna start typing in here from now on..k, here I go..
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
nibbling's journal